I want better

I always say that i'm fine when i'm really not.
I always want to put people especially people that i care about before me. and.. I do.
I want to scream sometimes, but i don't. I don't want people to worry about me. Because, that's how i am.
I just want to say that i'm completely ok. But, i then know that i would be lying to myself.
I know that i will be ok and will move on and have moved on from past experiences in my life. Because, yes, God has blessed me with everything. I would be nothing without him. I wouldn't of have made it without God. From now on. I want better for my life. Yes, I will never forgot everything, but i want better and it's not going to be holding me back anymore. I'll never forget anything that went on during my parents divorce. I'll never be able to forgot that horrible night, (that i can't even talk about because it's just to painful night) in december. I'll never be able to forget any of it. But, i want better for my life. Only with God's help. Because, i know that i won't be able to do it without him. I don't want these horrible sitituations that i couldn't prevent to effect my whole life. Because it would. I'm going to let everything go and give it to God, because. I want better. I don't want to hold on to these sitituations when i'm getting married, raising a family. It's going to be different. I am going to grow old with my future husband because, divorce isn't an option. For better or for worse. Unless he passes away before we get to grow old together. :'( 
But here, I am a person that has made it through things that i've never dreamed off. And God has put it on my heart to let it go, because i want better. and I'm giving it our to my Savior!!
I'm a Savior of many things. And it's all because of my Lord Jesus.

Letting Go. =)

Lord, you are my everything. I don't know what i would do without you now. I depend so much on you Lord. and the great thing is that I know that you will never leave me. Lord, your teaching me how to let things go and not let it bother me. I'm trying very hard Lord.
I didn't expect to have everyone with open arms when i did come back to church Lord, and decided that i was going to Live for You Lord God. but, a little bit for welcoming than what it is. But, i know that when i see someone at church that hasn't been there for awhile. i know that i'm going to go up to that person and talk to them like crazy. because i know that it was so so so hard for me to come back to Church Lord God. And i don't want people to be in the same boat that i was in, and currrently am trying to overcome. The people that i used to share secrets with or even worship you with Lord God, are gone. But it is ok. I'm letting Go. Because i didn't come back to church, for them Lord God. I came back to church for You. and If they don't want to have a friendship with me. that's ok Lord, because if we are suppose to reconnect. We will. I'm done, i'm over this. I'm letting go. and knowing that you will never leave me.
So for those of you that were "worried" about me. Don't be. The once upset Megan. now has peace, because of God. =)

I think you're Beautiful

My Prince

"I am ready to let you make me a Beautiful reflection of who you are. Let me fix my eyes upon You that i may see myself as you see me. I am ready to walk through the rest of my life as your Princess Bride. I no longer want anyone but You, my Lord and Prince, to define my true beauty. So please, open my heart that I may receive Your words of truth about who i really am!!"

Living and Discovering God.

Today is a brand new day. I felt like it was a brand new day about a year and a half ago. But when i wake up every morning and decide to follow Jesus, and i want to be a follower in Christ. It's a brand new day. I love feeling the Love of Jesus Christ every single day.Today, God put several thoughts in my head. Of course they are always good thoughts, but it doesn't always make it easy. In late November, early december i wrote something about all of my feelings from my life of the past seven years. I'm not ashamed of it one bit. It needed to be said, and someone in my family took it the wrong way, and basically attacked me. They were my feelings. Yes, it's been SEVEN years.... but yes, divorce hurts and it will always but they were simply my feelings. I've learned so much in the past years of respecting people even when i don't think they should be respected. I learned at the hardest time in my life to respect or just try to have respect for my Dad's immediate family. It's really hard when your parents are the ones getting divorce certain people are backing up and going behind your back accepting what they did with arms wide open. But, that's not the point. The point is, when there is a divorce or a seperated... people shouldn't take sides. They need to pray pray pray pray. Prayer is the most important thing!! When i finally discovered God, life was so so so much better!!!! Yes, i did leave for awhile.... when i decided to leave i felt like i needed to have control over my life. At the time, I needed to feel like that. Certain circumstances lead me to that point. But, i let it feel like i needed to be in control. So i left all of my friends, especially my really close friends. I left a family that i love so dearly and they still love me, but it's not the same. It will never be the same. Life has def. changed in the past couple of years. I had my first boyfriend... but he wasn't a Christian and it didn't really bother me because i wasn't really going to church. Having a boyfriend that wasn't a Christian was so so so hard. Especially when Christ started to pull me back to him. I couldn't talk about Christ in front of my boyfriend. So, that's when i really started to see that i needed to break up with him, because i wanted a relationship that Christ was at the center our relationship. so, i broke up with him and i feel like that was the greatest decision that i ever made. I was in a relationship with a man that i didn't even love. I was in the relationship because I needed to feel needed. You see, he had kidney failure, and he constantly needed someone to take care of him and i was ready to do it because he didn't have anyone else. But, all he really needed was God.So, what God has put on my Heart is finding a new Church. It is really hard to think about leaving my current Church because i love the preaching. and the worship. But that's it. I realized that I get really upset because the friends that i used to have, don't really have anything to do with me anymore. But, I'm in Church!! I'm suppose to be worshipping and learning more about our Glorious Creator!! and i can't focus because of these people!!!! But, when my sister comes we are going to look for another church. And i was thinking about asking my Dad to come and join us because he doesn't really like the church that he goes to currently, so that means that he usually doesn't go. So, if he goes that means his family will go. And is it just me.... do you think it would be weird.... and i just don't know how to explain it. I mean... it would be great if his family went to because then they would be learning about Jesus!!! but, if anybody know's even a little bit of what went on they would understand.... but i just don't know!!!!!! I keep on thinking about What Would Jesus Do? i think of the adulterous (Sp?) woman. "If you have no sinned, throw the first stone" i just think it would be weird. but good at the same time... does that mean sense?