I want better

I always say that i'm fine when i'm really not.
I always want to put people especially people that i care about before me. and.. I do.
I want to scream sometimes, but i don't. I don't want people to worry about me. Because, that's how i am.
I just want to say that i'm completely ok. But, i then know that i would be lying to myself.
I know that i will be ok and will move on and have moved on from past experiences in my life. Because, yes, God has blessed me with everything. I would be nothing without him. I wouldn't of have made it without God. From now on. I want better for my life. Yes, I will never forgot everything, but i want better and it's not going to be holding me back anymore. I'll never forget anything that went on during my parents divorce. I'll never be able to forgot that horrible night, (that i can't even talk about because it's just to painful night) in december. I'll never be able to forget any of it. But, i want better for my life. Only with God's help. Because, i know that i won't be able to do it without him. I don't want these horrible sitituations that i couldn't prevent to effect my whole life. Because it would. I'm going to let everything go and give it to God, because. I want better. I don't want to hold on to these sitituations when i'm getting married, raising a family. It's going to be different. I am going to grow old with my future husband because, divorce isn't an option. For better or for worse. Unless he passes away before we get to grow old together. :'( 
But here, I am a person that has made it through things that i've never dreamed off. And God has put it on my heart to let it go, because i want better. and I'm giving it our to my Savior!!
I'm a Savior of many things. And it's all because of my Lord Jesus.