Lately

Lately i've been thinking a lot about my Dad. A lot about how he feels, I wonder what he thought when he decided to sleep with another women besides his wife. I wonder how he felt when he was leaving his children. I wonder what it was like for him to just simply walk away from everything he had. I want to know how he felt when i started balling because i realized what he was doing. I want to know exactly how he feels after all these years. I want to know how he feels about not having the same relationships with his children as he did back then. I want to know just how he feels inside.  I just want to know if he felt any sadness at all. If he didn't, then fine.

I would just like to pick through his head and i just want him to realize how him leaving screwed with my emotions. I mean, i don't know. Yesterday i went to his house and spent an hour and a half with him and it was wonderful. i just missed him so much. but, my heart still hurts. I think it hurts even more, because i don't know if i will see him in Heaven. I'm praying that i will.

"We are what we believe we are." -C.S. Lewis

"We are what we believe we are." -C.S. Lewis

What does this quote mean to you? I believe exactly what is says.
I am what i believe i am.

A Loser
Ugly
Not going to be anything in life
hopeless
helpless
isn't going to succed
anything but great.
to emotional for anyone.


i really don't know how i can think those things because God created me in his image. God Loves me. but i just can't help it. i just need a break from everyone. Bye.

Things.

at times, i don't know what is exactly wrong with me. At other times, i feel completely fine. I feel like i'm never good enough for anyone. So, when i start getting close to people, i just get insecure. Because why would an awesome person want to be friends with me. I'm so so so so sick and tired of being so insecure. I just hate it. It's the worst thing about me. And i don't know how to get over it. I don't think i'm good enough for anyone. I need to get over this. i really do.

No more Charlie Brown.

"A realization of the universal lack of self-confidence tends to strengthen one’s own."
Anonymous

I have never been the one to have confidence. I've never had the confidence to speak up in a room full of people. I've never had the confidence to be me. I've always wondered why people like other people better. It's because they are confident in themselves. Nobody wants to be around someone that isn't confident. I know it drives me crazy when i'm around people that are always bringing themselves down. I don't want to be the Charlie Brown in the group anymore. Because if i'm not Charlie Brown anymore, I will finally be comfortable with myself. and it's not even that. I need to love who God made me. God made me into this wonderful women. A woman that is chasing after his heart. That's all i need. I'm getting rid of the Megan Version of Charlie Brown. and just being me. I thought i had to be something special. I thought i have to stand out like to me everyone else is. I'm just me. God created me. And that's good enough for me.


"Don't be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God."
 1 Peter 3:3-4