God is Love.

There are no words to describe how Grateful I am for God sending his son to die on the cross for my sins.  I've been growing closer and closer with god. And let me tell you... it's simply amazing. God is completely transforming my mind. I feel like at being of the age of 22 years old (I know that's not very old to some), i feel like I should have my life figured out. Many people my age just graduated from college, or are having babies, or getting married. Which is all wonderful!! God bless them! God is entering them into a life changing experience! I felt like because everyone is moving forward in life, and i felt like at certain times I wasn't. This is how i used to feel. God is transforming my mind. And it's literally mind blowing. I used to think that being successful in life was to be married. Because than that meant that somebody loves you for you, that the person wants to spend the rest of their life and grow old with you.  Yes, I do want that. But only if that is in God's plan for me. Being married is a wonderful gift from God! But, if that is the gift that i'm not suppose to get.... than i'll be rejoicing either way. Because God has a plan for me. And he is going to use me! Not exactly do I know what for sure yet..... but, with being single right now....... I have no limitations of what I can do! If I want to go into the Peace Corps, I can. If I want to go to the Hillsong College in Australia, I can! If I want to go serve as a missionary in South Africa! I can! Being single right now in my life is a gift from God! I pray that many more young women and men, will see that it is a gift from God. It took me a long time to realize that. But, I'm content and loving being single, because i'm going to use it for God's Glory! And if it's ever time, God will make it known to me. So, right now i'm content, listening to God. Now, i'm just trying to figure out about the Peace Corps, or Hillsong College or South Africa :) I can't wait to see what God has in store for me.

God is Love! Don't ever forget that! He is with you all the time! If your at work, school, driving in your car! He is with you always!

Living in the Present Time

I read this really interesting blog, that interests me so much.
This lady was talking about her relationship with her Dad. It's funny that we've never met, but we have similar sitituations. We both stand in Hallmark before Father's Day and TRY to find a card for our father's. But nothing says it. i wish a hallmark card would say
" Dad i love you, but our relationship is just to hard. and depressing at sometimes. Dad, I want you to tell me that you love me and that i'm beautiful. Dad, just reverse everything that you do, and it'll be perfect." I know... it's a joke.... I could never tell my Dad, to reverse how he is that everything will be perfect... But, I want a Dad. Don't get me wrong, I love my father's that def. have stepped in over the years. But it's just something special, when your own dad does something for you. I don't remember the last time i was told that i was beautiful. Or that he loves me.
It's been seven years. I understand it. But shouldn't it be getting better now? I actually have a conversation with his wife. I have more of a conversation with her than i do him. I miss my dad. I really do. So, it makes me nervous how am i going to turn out. I was told, that i shouldn't live in the past, that i shouldn't worry about the future, that i should just live in the present. And that's what i'm really trying to do. So, this is Day 1.
So, i need to write out my worries. If you don't want to read anymore that's fine. =)
I'm worried that i'm going to turn out like previous people in my family. My Great Grandma left my grandfather for another man, my Grandma left my Grandfather, and my Dad left my Mom for another women. I'm just so worried that i'm going to do the same! I know that God is at the certain of my life, so no way God is going to let that happen. Because my Marriage is going to be focused on God. I can still be nervous right?
I don't want my kids to  have to go through the pain that i had to go through. I don't want them to never see their father. I want my marriage to be against the divorce % in America. I want better. So much better.
My other concern, I'm worried that i will be to emotional for my husband. Let's face it. I need to know and remember that God created me in his image. And he loves me and he wants me to love myself. Ugh. So many things that i still need to learn and i'm 21!! shouldn't i know this by now? I need to learn to love myself before i let a man love me. How though.
I'm not looking for a man right now. I have one in mind. But, me being in i don't feel like it will happen. But i know that if it's in God's will, it will. But UGH!  So, these are the things that i feel that are wrong with me. I feel like i have a very ugly face. I don't like it when people look at me. I hate that i'm big chested, because i know that that's all guys look at. I hate that I don't like wearing clothes that fit me perfectly, i like wearing baggy clothes. I hate that i don't like my personality. I hate that I haven't become that person that I wanted to. I hate that i get jealous so easiley! I hate the fact, that i feel alone all the time. I hate the fact, that i don't have any friends (but who would blame you), I just don't like myself. And i hate it. So, def. no chance for me.

So God, What do you want me to learn, and feel, and act like, and be. What type of women do you want me to be Lord God?